4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
