i don't like sucking hair
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
