youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
