this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
