My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
