I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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