I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Floor bacon is actually really good
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize