in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
