So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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