College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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