I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
