The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
