he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
