Non-Jews are for practice
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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