At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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