Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
