Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
