I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
