i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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