Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
NoShamevember. You game?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
