He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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