I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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