we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
