conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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