I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize