just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
