So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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