i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
