I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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