Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
