Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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