I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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