why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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