i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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