Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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