I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
