It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
