So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
