ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
