I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize