I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
