Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
