so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
