you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize