I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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