That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
