Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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