we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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