He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
