i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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