I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
50% drunk capacity currently
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
