I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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