people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm too high and old for this...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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