What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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