wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
