She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
