also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
