it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
