All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
