When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
