i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
