One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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