Christians are straight up FREAKS
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
