The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
