Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
