I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
