a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
