omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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