Too much gin, very little bucket
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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