dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
