he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
