So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
