I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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