her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
