You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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