Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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