Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
