God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Someone came in the potted fern
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
