I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
