'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drake has all the answers
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
