She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
