i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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