Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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