he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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