What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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