he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
