i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
