I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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