I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
