after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
