break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
