you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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