So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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