Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
