I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
