Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
