the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
