So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
