I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
