I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
