i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
