I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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