im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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