Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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