I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
