Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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