Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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