He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
