I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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