she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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